New Book Teaches you the step by step approach for transforming pain into power… Adell Harris The Nation’s Top ‘Adversity’ Taining Expert!
Fused with The 7 Steps to Make Adversity Your Advantage that can LOCK IN Your Results
When life punches you in the mouth and the walls feel like they’re closing in, do you have a plan?
This book is the plan.
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7 Steps to Make Adversity Your Advantage
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“My mission is to inspire the world to make adversity their advantage.
In this book, I provide a step-by-step strategy for managing life’s challenges.”
Steps, that have become a lifestyle for me.
Helping You Achieve Success
You cannot hide from negative experiences in life.
But you can control how these moments affect you and turn them into a source of energy.
Step 1 - Acknowledging hardship you’ve faced
Step 2 - Accepting your pain
Step 3 - Rewriting your story
Step 4 - Modeling the right behaviors
Step 5 - Practicing empathy and gratitude
Step 6 - Finding cause and purpose
Step 7 - Sharing your story
An excerpt from the book
The refuse-to-lose mentality isn’t about “sucking it up.” Acknowledging and experiencing your hurt is important, but eventually, it will be time to ask yourself, Now what am I going to do with this pain? I believe the only acceptable answer is, I’m going to turn it into something incredible that would have never existed otherwise.
To free yourself from the prison of adversity, you have to work on yourself every single day. The process described in this book isn’t a one-time fix; it’s a lifestyle. If you want to be the best version of yourself, if you want to live with full freedom, unshackled by pain, if you want to own your outcome, you must live the refuse-to-lose mindset every single day.
As someone, who was abandoned at birth by my biological parents, raised in both a verbally and sexually abusive single-parent home, witness to a murder, lost a best friend to suicide… all before the age of 18…
People often ask, ‘HOW’ did you get through it?
This is my answer. This is ‘HOW’, I’ve turned my adversity into an advantage.
And, because this information is not taught in our schools, universities, homes or churches, I believe everyone should have access to this step-by-step strategy.
Fear
You might be afraid of what other people will say, afraid to go against your inherited belief systems and paradigms, or, on the most basic level, afraid to feel your pain. Your brain wants to keep you safe. Its primary job is to keep you alive, and to your brain, pain is a bright-red flag saying, Stop! Don’t go here! Your brain will compensate for your deficiencies in order to avoid pain. If your right hip hurts, then your left hip, left leg, back, or shoulders will shift in order to ease the pain. The same thing happens in your life. Your brain creates stories to rationalize the way you behave and act. But ultimately, it’s your responsibility to know there’s some damn pain in your right hip, and you need to do something about it.
Confronting fear and adversity can feel overwhelming. Nobody wants to say, “I was sexually abused.” I think back to the Oprah Winfrey Show episode where a studio full of sexually abused men shared their story, including actor, writer, and producer Tyler Perry. Grown men wept upon sharing their experiences around childhood sexual abuse because they’d never been able to tell anybody before. At times in my life, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle everything. I felt as if I’d fall apart or explode. I felt like I was barely hanging on and couldn’t take any more. Life was hard enough on its own, and I felt that I’d rather deal with what is as opposed to dealing with the unknown. How could I possibly go back and address all my untreated traumas? I
An excerpt from the book
didn’t have the time, energy, or willpower. How could I possibly go back and address all my untreated traumas? I didn’t have the time, energy, or willpower.
Your brain wants you to keep doing what you’ve always been doing, because that’s familiar and “safe.” But life will force you to deal with who you are eventually. For my sake, I couldn’t afford not to address my pain. I finally reached the point where it was time. I was tired of carrying my pain, and I didn’t care whether I exploded or what that explosion might look like. I needed to put myself first, and I did.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unable to address your pain, I want you to think about all the times in your past when you dealt with adversity. You’re still here, aren’t you? You survived. You’ve already demonstrated strength in difficult situations. You can do this. You are capable of getting to the other side of whatever hurdle is currently in front of you. We can gain strength from our history. I do this often. Oftentimes I need to remind myself that I got out of my dysfunctional childhood house and made a better life for myself. I don’t have a father, mother, or grandmother to call, but I am out here in the world, contributing in a positive way, serving people to the best of my ability, and living my dreams. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves how incredible we really are, because we are incredible. We so easily lose sight of that fact.
Sharing Kills Shame
Sharing Kills Shame Shame and guilt imprison and suffocate us. A lack of self-acceptance and feelings of embarrassment lead to an internal battle that manifests outwardly in the form of depression, addiction, suicide, and other self-destructive behavior. Shame subconsciously seeks consequence. When we feel like we’ve done something wrong, our paradigm/belief system takes over and tells us that there must be a consequence. As long as we feel shame and guilt, we often will punish ourselves without even realizing we’re doing it. This is why some people who experienced sexual abuse will overeat to obesity or why someone who’s suffered the public embarrassment of falling from a high-profile job or financial status will go into a deep depression and might even become suicidal. Shame and guilt are lonely, hopeless places to be.
I’ve experienced a lot of guilt and shame in my life. As a young girl, I was ashamed of my body; I matured faster than my peers and, as a result, received unwanted attention from older guys. I was ashamed of what my mother’s husband did to me. I was ashamed of the dysfunction taking place in my home. I’ve felt both shame and guilt that my father didn’t want a relationship with me. For most of my life, I was ashamed of my sexuality. Being raised in the South and in the black church, I was taught that being gay would have me burning in the flames of hell for eternity. If that doesn’t make you feel guilty, I’m
An excerpt from the book
not sure what would. But more than guilt tactics and judgment from the church, my fear of being abandoned, rejected, and unloved was suffocating. I’m also ashamed of how I treated my mother in my twenties. She deserved better from me.
Self-acceptance should be taught in every home and school. Embracing your truth, despite how ugly it is or how other people may view you, is a mandatory step to making adversity your advantage. The more you communicate who you are, the more self-acceptance you’ll develop, and self-acceptance kills shame and guilt. This is why sharing is a key aspect of rehabilitation therapy. Although I haven’t personally participated in such meetings, I know that a key part of closed Alcoholics Anonymous meetings is stating aloud that you are an alcoholic: “Hi, my name is ______, and I’m an alcoholic.” The meeting creates a safe, judgment-free zone for alcoholics to embrace who they are, leading to personal empowerment.
Expressing who you are authentically is empowering. I grow a little taller every time I speak or share my story. My shoulders go back, and I stand up straighter. Whether you’re expressing your story to one person or to one million people, it’s empowering because it gets you closer to understanding, accepting, and loving yourself. This continual journey of learning to love yourself more opens you to loving others more fully, as it is only when you love yourself that you can love others.
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…because this information is not taught in our schools, colleges, homes or churches, I believe everyone should have access.
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